I had a damn good practice today, as usual, but I think I may have used up all my loving-kindness on the mat. Lots of useless and nagging negativity began to penetrate my thoughts around the time I was setting up for my headstand, which is very near the end of my practice, and pestered me through savasana. The crankiness only increased during my post-practice shower, and by the time I got out of there, I was in quite a dangerous mood.
Maybe I over-did it a little bit. I practiced lots of arm balances today: flying pigeon and eka pada koundinyasana II during my standing sequence, and a lot of work in bakasana on my way to the floor, transitioning from bakasana to a tripod headstand and back a few times, holding each position for five breaths. The burn in my triceps during this bit was something new. My arms haven't been challenged like that in a while. Also lots of jump-throughs, jump-backs, and handstand work had my shoulders and elbows approaching a jelly-like state by the end of my practice. It felt good at the time, but I was one formidable woman when I re-entered the realm of real life, i.e. the six-year anniversary of the relationship between the boyfriend and myself.
The last couple years have been tough for us. He's been having trouble finding/maintaining employment, which has put a great deal of pressure on me. This also means that I don't get much time to myself, since he's home most the time, which is usually nice, but sometimes not. My practice is really the only time that I completely shut myself away. I like to chalk his unemployment up to the economic situation here, but I have trouble with situations that are entirely out of my control. I can be supportive, so I try to be, and I think that's all I can do, but anniversaries have a way of making one reflect, bringing everything to a point, and demanding analysis. I think I may have been trying to drown all this out on the mat with a strong practice.
It didn't work, but luckily the boyfriend made it out of my natural disaster alive, as I was able to recognize the reactionary behavior and compose myself. Let's chalk that one up to my being present and in control... yeah. Anyway, I think we can still have a nice day today. I have a class, and a stupid meeting for stupid work in the afternoon (just kidding! Love my job!), but maybe I'll take the boyfriend out for a nice dinner or something in the evening... rekindle the old flame and all that jazz. It would be good for us, and probably good for my practice ;).