My Painfully Open Heart

So I'm back in Texas, where I belong.  I had a really lovely time with my family, and the weather in the Midwest was unseasonably summery during my trip.  Sun-soaked yoga by the water and catching up with family and friends were good for the soul, but I have to admit, it's nice to be back.

The morning of my returning flight I opted for an extended meditation, followed by a brief, mostly restorative asana practice.  The meditation experience was very powerful.  It was a quiet morning alone in the house in which I grew up, where I have experienced so much joy and sadness.  I don't often play too much with the mudras in my meditation practice, but I was moved to form the lotus mudra and poured all my love and goodwill into that house -- for reasons upon which I will not expand, the residents there are in dire need of it.  The power of emotion that flooded me as I spread my fingers wide was overwhelming, and a tear or two made their way to the floor.  I have been feeling quite shaken ever since.

 I had my first practice today since my return in my familiar yoga space, and it felt so right.  Meditation was pretty much a stunted failure, as my mind has been a jolted jumble of emotions since I returned, but as soon as I began my Suryas, everything fell into place.  In the spirit of moving through these difficult emotions which have been simmering since that startling meditation experience, I opted for a heart opening practice leading up to a strong set of urdhva dhanurasanas, peppered with a few extended moments of forward folding surrender to reconnect and shield my vulnerable heart.  The practice itself was wonderful, but afterwards I felt completely and utterly exhausted -- depleted in every way.  I took a hot shower, made myself a sandwich, then laid down for an unsatisfying nap.  No sleep, just tossing and turning, sighing and sniffling.  I accepted defeat, dragged myself from the bed, and have been carrying on in a state of fuzzy fatigue.  Hopefully I can shake the haze before I head off to work tonight.
Tomorrow, I'll consider a more nurturing practice.  I think I need a bit of stillness to let things settle into place.

1 comment:

  1. When life is overwhelming, I like to have a really grounded practice. Meaning that I mostly stay on the floor. I start lying on my back with some hip-openers and supine twists, then roll up to sitting for some shoulder stretches and seated forward bends and twists. Then I work from all fours, coming up into down dog but not into standing, and work poses from down dog: pigeon, lunges, anjaneyasana, hanumanasana, and then I sit down for the serious work: lots of seated forward bends and passive backbends like virasana or supported bridge. I probably end with a shoulderstand and add a headstand if I think I need a new perspective. Then, long savasana!