So I'm back in Texas, where I belong. I had a really lovely time with my family, and the weather in the Midwest was unseasonably summery during my trip. Sun-soaked yoga by the water and catching up with family and friends were good for the soul, but I have to admit, it's nice to be back.
The morning of my returning flight I opted for an extended meditation, followed by a brief, mostly restorative asana practice. The meditation experience was very powerful. It was a quiet morning alone in the house in which I grew up, where I have experienced so much joy and sadness. I don't often play too much with the mudras in my meditation practice, but I was moved to form the lotus mudra and poured all my love and goodwill into that house -- for reasons upon which I will not expand, the residents there are in dire need of it. The power of emotion that flooded me as I spread my fingers wide was overwhelming, and a tear or two made their way to the floor. I have been feeling quite shaken ever since.
I had my first practice today since my return in my familiar yoga space, and it felt so right. Meditation was pretty much a stunted failure, as my mind has been a jolted jumble of emotions since I returned, but as soon as I began my Suryas, everything fell into place. In the spirit of moving through these difficult emotions which have been simmering since that startling meditation experience, I opted for a heart opening practice leading up to a strong set of urdhva dhanurasanas, peppered with a few extended moments of forward folding surrender to reconnect and shield my vulnerable heart. The practice itself was wonderful, but afterwards I felt completely and utterly exhausted -- depleted in every way. I took a hot shower, made myself a sandwich, then laid down for an unsatisfying nap. No sleep, just tossing and turning, sighing and sniffling. I accepted defeat, dragged myself from the bed, and have been carrying on in a state of fuzzy fatigue. Hopefully I can shake the haze before I head off to work tonight.
Tomorrow, I'll consider a more nurturing practice. I think I need a bit of stillness to let things settle into place.