6.09.2010

YTT Anticipation

Teacher training is fast approaching, and the anxiety is building.  It's subtle, but definitely there, manifesting in a string of tension to the right of my spine and into my neck.  The first training session is this Friday -- that's two days from today.  My expectations are still bouncing wildly, leaving me drenched in attitudes ranging from solemn receptivity to simply hoping the program isn't stupid and a waste of time.  Either way, I'm looking forward to getting started, albeit with uncertainty.

I feel as though I should be preparing in some special way, but instead my practices have been meandering and restless.  I've been trying to work on some things that I haven't done much of lately -- deep hip openers and arm balances mostly, but it's been throwing me off, interrupting the meditative quality I need from my practice.  Yesterday's practice started out okay, but just sort of disintegrated after spending the standing sequence warming up to hanumanasana.  After hanuman, I just didn't know what to do, so I crawled through a gentle twisting sequence then spent a couple of minutes in a supported bridge pose with the palms at the sacrum (my favorite version of the pose), forgoing the usual set of urdhva dhanurasanas.  I was then interrupted during my handstand practice, skipped sirsasana because of the back/neck issue, and went right to a brief savasana.  Mediocre practice.  It happens.

I did manage to land a couple more jumps into bakasana yesterday, again interspersed between several failed attempts.  But when it happens, it feels good and light.  The right wrist has been tight.  Something strange happened to my right index finger while I was in Wisconsin... it swelled up suddenly, and felt as if I had jammed it against something, but I don't remember injuring it.  I thought maybe it was an allergic reaction, but it's been over a week since it happened and the finger, and the whole hand and wrist to some extent, is still swollen and sore.  It's a mystery.  I've had many irritating body issues in the past week:  blisters, headaches, sore back, swollen finger...  I think my body may be turning against me, and just in time for YTT.

6 comments:

  1. Your body really seems reflecting the anxiety you're feeling about your YTT.

    Maybe it's telling you to do as marathon runners do before the big event - take a break. In their case, light runs only. In your case, maybe restorative practices or simple sequences of poses that come naturally for you.

    And hey, YTT is, after all, just another thing that will come and go. This too shall pass, and all that jazz.

    Good luck on Friday!

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  2. Re: body reflecting mind -- Tell me about it.... Actually, I insist that I feel great, other than the little annoying things. The blisters are especially irritating, the result of some new shoes for work that have been giving me a rough breaking-in period. I decided to take an extra rest day today in order heal as much as possible and feel fresh for the work ahead of me. I'm looking forward to the training, and I'm certain it will be an interesting, educational experience no matter what happens.

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  3. This sounds familiar. As I approached my YTT my entire body broke down in about a bajillion different ways. I was, to put it mildly, a wreck as I began the process. I think it's about breaking yourself down to your lowest common denominator so you can build yourself back up through the training. It worked that way for me anyway

    Good luck with it all :)

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  4. Thanks, Rachel. That's encouraging. Perhaps it's best that I go in with a few cracks in the shell. It might help the lessons find their way in.

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  5. I am dealing with a new pesky little plantar wart. I have had one before, and caught this one right as it started to work towards the surface. I am using the acid treatments, but not seeing much improvement. My bf recommends "shaving" it back" to expose the root then having the doc freeze it. We shall see! Good luck with the training :)

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  6. Alice - I started with the acid treatments, then had mine frozen at the Doc's. The freezing appears to have worked, but it's hard to tell. The area is still healing... I had hoped it would be a quick process, but it's not. I've been told by more than a couple of people that covering the wart with duct tape works as well as anything, and would be less painful. I would probably have gone that route if I knew that at the time I began treating them.

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