Teacher training is fast approaching, and the anxiety is building. It's subtle, but definitely there, manifesting in a string of tension to the right of my spine and into my neck. The first training session is this Friday -- that's two days from today. My expectations are still bouncing wildly, leaving me drenched in attitudes ranging from solemn receptivity to simply hoping the program isn't stupid and a waste of time. Either way, I'm looking forward to getting started, albeit with uncertainty.
I feel as though I should be preparing in some special way, but instead my practices have been meandering and restless. I've been trying to work on some things that I haven't done much of lately -- deep hip openers and arm balances mostly, but it's been throwing me off, interrupting the meditative quality I need from my practice. Yesterday's practice started out okay, but just sort of disintegrated after spending the standing sequence warming up to hanumanasana. After hanuman, I just didn't know what to do, so I crawled through a gentle twisting sequence then spent a couple of minutes in a supported bridge pose with the palms at the sacrum (my favorite version of the pose), forgoing the usual set of urdhva dhanurasanas. I was then interrupted during my handstand practice, skipped sirsasana because of the back/neck issue, and went right to a brief savasana. Mediocre practice. It happens.
I did manage to land a couple more jumps into bakasana yesterday, again interspersed between several failed attempts. But when it happens, it feels good and light. The right wrist has been tight. Something strange happened to my right index finger while I was in Wisconsin... it swelled up suddenly, and felt as if I had jammed it against something, but I don't remember injuring it. I thought maybe it was an allergic reaction, but it's been over a week since it happened and the finger, and the whole hand and wrist to some extent, is still swollen and sore. It's a mystery. I've had many irritating body issues in the past week: blisters, headaches, sore back, swollen finger... I think my body may be turning against me, and just in time for YTT.