Generosity and Cleaning up

Damn good practice today. I decided not to go to the studio, and almost didn't practice at all, but at the last minute rolled out my mat and just started doing Suryas, not knowing or even thinking about what I would do next. When I had had my fill (five As and five Bs), I moved into a very solid, foundational practice focusing on the basics: tucking the tailbone, keeping the shoulders relaxing down, feet together, toes and fingers spread... that sort of thing. I've really been trying to clean up my practice. Teacher training has brought to my attention that my practice will become an example for my future students, so I had better be doing things right. This new focus has brought some extra energy to my practice, a novel form of motivation that inspires me to practice with greater peace and ease than ever before.

I'm excited about these changes in my practice, and looking forward to getting back to teacher training this Friday after taking last weekend off because of the 4th of July holiday. I got some really nice feedback from one of the trainers via email yesterday on a sequencing assignment and the work we've done so far in general. I try not to depend on positive reinforcement as a source of confidence, but boy if isn't nice to get some encouragement and a compliment from time to time. She didn't need to say those things, so I was really touched that she went out of her way to comment on my hard work. Very nice.

On that note, one of our "life-intensive" assignments this week is to commit random acts of kindness. While, normally, I might find this a cheesy turn of events, I have been meditating on generosity a good deal lately. It's something that I struggle with. A survivalist attitude (possibly from growing up in a large family) makes me hold everything very tight to my chest. I have acknowledged my greed and I don't like it. I see it in every area of my life: my work, my relationships, even my practice. I always hold more than enough back. I'm very closed. I need to open up.