This is it: the final lap, the last week of YTT. This coming weekend, I will be giving my presentation, demonstrating my newly developed teaching skills to the trainers, trainees, and studio staff; then I'm on my own... Hooray? There is one thing that I can say with certainty that I'll be pleased about when training is over: getting back to my daily home practice.
I've only been able to squeeze in one or two home practices each week for the past several weeks. This has begun to take it's toll. We (the trainees) are supposed to attend four studio classes per week in addition to classes on training days, which means a studio class every day. The classes are only an hour long, but with the transit, it's a two hour affair. This, plus teaching 90-minute classes to the boyfriend a few days a week has made home practice on most days impossible. While I am enjoying attending classes more and more -- practicing in the company of like-minded individuals -- it just isn't the same. My home practice is truly my meditation, my quiet time. The loud music, coughing, grunting, moaning, and even occasional chatter of restless students wears on me a little. And while, physically, the classes are almost always challenging and enjoyable, it just doesn't compare to carefully assessing the body every day, and giving it exactly what it needs. I miss my yoga space, I miss breathing along with the hum of the humidifier, I miss the quiet.
I'd like to say that I've been doing nothing but practice and study in this final week of teacher training; unfortunately, this last week of training corresponds with the first week of the fall semester, so I'm back in school and busy with homework already. Argh... all spread out nice and thin again. Next week should be easier, with training over and a more compact schedule at work. But then the yoga job search begins. No rest for this wicked yogini.
I have a rapidly expanding list of things I need to do in order to fulfill my dream of teaching yoga professionally. This list is amassing and beginning to loom over my head with a scary sense of foreboding. I'm experiencing an irrational sense of urgency. I feel as though I need to act fast, as though if I don't do it all right now, the whole training experience -- the significance of the journey, all my hard work, and everything I've learned -- will just fizzle and fade, like it never happened. But then again, I also feel as though it might be a good idea to rest, rejuvenate, and sit in silence with my knowledge. Maybe all this new growth needs to settle for a bit; perhaps the information should percolate before it can disseminate.
Clearly, I'm experiencing conflicted emotions: I'm raring to get myself out there, but also very tempted to just scurry back to the deep darkness of my cave. Suggestions? Guidance from my yoga teacher friends? I'm feeling a little lost here...
In preparation for the big weekend ahead, I've been keeping busy designing classes and trying out my best stuff on the boyfriend, whose become quite the dedicated practitioner himself, by the way. He's taking to this yoga stuff like a fish to water, even practicing on his own while I'm away! Last week, I came home from a class to find him on the living room floor, sitting in a deep, strong lunge, breathing fully and audibly. He's already so much stronger and more flexible than when we began, AND he's meditating. He's a hungry student. I'm very proud of him, and I like to think that at least a tiny bit of his growth can be attributed to my skilled and thoughtful teaching. Let's hope I can bring this confidence in my ability to communicate the practice to the studio this weekend.