7.29.2011

Primary Friday: atha yoga anushasanam

Now, after having done prior preparation through life and other practices, the study and practice of Yoga begins.  -- Yoga Sutra I.1

Now the real practice has begun.  Can I continue to breathe?  Can I observe the unfolding of the days with a steady, even mind?  Can I hang on with conviction to that which I love, but also be prepared to gracefully let go?  This is what my practice has become.

Of course, that's not to say I've given up the asana.  Quite the contrary, today I did my full Primary, just as I do every Friday.  I had a strong practice.  Deep, steady postures.  Deep, steady breath.  The practice, as it has a way of doing, knocked me out of my frightened stupor and gave me the strength to go out and take care of some errands, to face the world without crumbling to a shaky, sobbing mess.

After running my errands, I retreated hurriedly to my home, only to find that I didn't know what to do with myself.  My apartment was clean.  My errands and asana were finished.  My dog was fed and walked.  Nothing to do but sit around and wait, which wouldn't do at all.  I don't know how I'm going to keep myself grounded until Tuesday when the proverbial ball gets rolling, but I have an idea:

Yoga.  Lots of it.  When I found myself this afternoon with little left to do but wait and worry, I packed up my mat and towel and drove myself to the studio, fighting tears all the way.  I took a class.  It was strong and slow, full of long holds and hip openers.  Exactly what I needed.  I left that class feeling one hundred times better than when I had arrived.  Rooted, balanced, and ready for whatever the coming week may bring. 

4 comments:

  1. I hope you find things to take your mind off tuesday and make time fly - waiting is horrible. I waited for a health message about half a year ago and it wrecked my nerves. I tried to tell my boss and I just broke down crying. I didn't feel like I could tell my family because they would worry more than me. It turned out it was nothing dangerous at all and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders - I remember feeling totally drunk on happiness all the way back in the train from the doc.

    Hope you're having a restful moonday today and I still wish you all the best until tuesday.

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  2. Thanks, Anne. I hope to have a similar story a week from now. I'm taking it easy today. Oil bath, nutrient-rich foods, and quiet time.

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  3. Hello Megan,
    This must be such a difficult time for you. But with your practice, you will definitely be able to find the strength and grace to move and act moment to moment from a place of love and strength, as opposed to fear. I will be sending you peaceful thoughts and prayers.

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  4. Tuesday is almost up where I am. Yoga just crossed my mind and I am sending you my thoughts - like I did this morning when I practised. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you.

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