6.30.2014

The Swell

Ocean Swell I by Deborah Dryden

My practice has entered a new phase of growth.  I have begun working with third series.  When second began to feel like home, it seemed right to journey on again.

I am practicing all of second plus the first several advanced postures.  Second series is a joy, but right around Chakorasana ensue the grunting and sighs.  The work is hard.  The practice is becoming larger, and it will grow much larger still before it snaps back on itself and I am left to start again.

Still, it's good practice for everything else.  Things are on the rise.  This fall I will finish my dual degree.  By January, I will have completed my 500-hour training.  I sense big things lurking in the distance.  If I squint my eyes, I can just about make out their shapes.  But I might get crow's feet if I squint too hard.  With my birthday fast approaching, I see my actual age and my felt age gradually becoming one.  As a child and into early adulthood, I behaved as a person much older than I was.  As young as twelve years old, I was routinely mistaken for an adult.  I used to have a sort of pride attached to my deceptively old persona.  Now, of course, I am less thrilled when others misjudge my years.  I feel younger and more free than I did when I was young, but as a well-meaning friend recently said, "You're 28 going on 50."

Damn.  It's true.

Meanwhile, my siblings are getting married and having babies.  It seems like every time I go up north to visit, there is one more smiling spouse or one more little pair of shining eyes.  The family is becoming larger, and it will grow much larger still.  This is a good thing, or not a bad thing.  But I am a far-off satellite in Texas, only occasionally pulled to home.  The faster the family grows, the fewer are the members of my own family that I know.  This is strange and alienating.  Like a new posture.  You mean, now I have to put my leg behind my head and stand up? Who is this new person?  How does this work?

And this is just the beginning.  The postures keep coming.  The family keeps growing.  Certificates are piling up.  The question is what do I do with this stuff?  With all these new additions, how do I make it work?



5 comments:

  1. So happy to read your writing again!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lots of head nodding as I read your words. Know that what you share is appreciated! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay, nice to see your blog popping up in my feed again! I can totally relate to being (a bit older than 28) going on 50 LOL! As for the rest of it... don't worry about what to do with it all... just keep doing it until the day a vision clears from the murk, and then do that. :) You will be awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Such good timing for me with this entry. Thank you. It always amazes me how parallel yogis lives are.

    ReplyDelete

I delight in your questions and comments and do my best to respond to each one.